Tuesday, June 28, 2011
thing about being at the top is, you're able to see the things everyone else did, but no one sees what you've actually done. foc's over, but i hope i'm able to walk away without any regrets.
ivan thought about this at3:39 AM
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Friday, September 24, 2010
so, with sunig over, its another load off my back. the usual void that accompanies the end of every tournament is back again. somehow this void feels more..empty..wtf am i saying. mayb cos this time i've got nobody to share my joy with. at least theres ray and kr and the rest to celebrate with after we won the u-16 and stuff. good times :D then there was you for auwp.. never before have i called to share such a joy with someone. strangely after the china game all i wanted to do was to call you to tell you..and it felt so good knowing you cared, or pretended to. whichever the case i was happy still. after winning this sunig i wanted so much so share the joy, but then this feeling of awkwardness hit me. somehow it wasn't the same anymore..though the desire to call/text/msn was there i couldn't bring myself to do it..and i wanted to bring u along for the sunig closing ceremony and dinner but u have a more important event to attend that day.
perhaps u might not know it, but u brought the love for waterpolo back for me. i still remembered ray asked me about a year and a half ago: 'why are we still training?' i couldn't give him a reply, but we continued training anyway. fastforward to that day, when i found out u were spending a crazy amount of time dancing away and i asked 'why are u spending so much time on dance?'. u couldn't give a sure reply but just said passion. then i thought, what got me started in the first place? i realised that i've been playing for the wrong reasons all this time since jc, when iz and kr left. i was playing to win, under pressure to perform; but passion was not there. seeing u make ur journey from 1 end of the island to the other end just to practise, the fact u were willing to give so much to pursue your passion. looking back, i came to see that wp brought me joy..passion i believe. i'm playing the game the right way now cos having seen your passion, mine has been reignited =)
there are so many things that i wanna share w u..small things in life that i never really took notice but just felt like telling u..but i get the feeling that it is somehow inappropriate. ur innocent attitude softened my cynic side..but then in a flash u were gone..it's not my fault for not making it THAT explicit..but the suddenness of it all just left me stunned. and when u told me both of u were unsure about it too disappointment just sank in. all the best in your decision and i hope you're happy, stay strong and if u don't initiate convos don't ask why people drift away from u..it takes 2 hands to clap after all.
many people leave footprints in your heart, but they all tread on the same path so its impossible to tell who went where. u left a fresh set where no one ever went before.
ivan thought about this at10:24 AM
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Saturday, September 18, 2010
A: Do you think that morley and i belong together?B: What does that have to do with anything?
A: Just tell me, do you?B: I..I don't know. If you love her and if she loves you...
A: Answer the question.B: Fine..no. Personally..i don't see it.
A: That's what i'm doing here. Because apparently everyone and their mother felt that way but nobody have the guts to tell me, and now i'm left with some stupid ring, and an empty closet and an aching in my gut the size of texas cause nobody told me.B: She left you.
A: Today.
ivan thought about this at4:15 AM
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ivan thought about this at1:54 AM
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Thursday, August 26, 2010
ivan thought about this at9:31 AM
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Thursday, August 19, 2010
i've never felt like this before..this is by far one of the weirdest dreams i ever had. felt so surreal it freaks me out..heck even my heart is aching. could this be it? cos i tried to go to sleep to stop thinking bout it but you followed me in. this had better not be inception or some shit like that. what the fuck is happening...
ivan thought about this at2:49 AM
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Sunday, July 25, 2010
wow..it's been like more than a year since i last posted. probably cos the habit of penning my thoughts kinda ran away. anyway i felt i had to put this down since it's a major change in my thinking hah!
i thought there were no more dedicated aka chi xin people left in this world as far as i know. but then again..i don't think i know THAT many people to make such an assumption. until you showed up, and i realised a dedicated lover truly exists. my only regret is not knowing you earlier.
ivan thought about this at9:49 PM
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